If you could turn back time, would you still get married?

Jevv · #1 28-01-2015, 03:46 PM

We all know that getting married is a milestone in life, to you was it the best or worst decision you have ever made?

I am asking this as I have seen guys (married for more than 10yrs or so) who are married but not happily married, I know of one whom is married for 20yrs & have regular FLs/FBs outside of his marriage (He was initially faithful in his marriage, what tiggered him to start "outsourcing" was becoze he was angry with his wife). And the list goes on..as what I have noticed on other married men.

The men that I know stayed married for the fact of not getting into financial burden (alimony to ex-wife, splitting of house proceeds), children (not wanting them to grow up in broken families), society ostracisation & etc. Not the fact that they really love the woman whom they married & want to spend the rest of their life with her in sickness & in health....also staying faithful thru out the marriage as well.

It makes me wonder at times...am I mixing with the wrong group of people OR it is a natural process in life tat when you are married for long (more than 10 years)...you are staying married NOT for love but rather because of obligations (no choice, boh bian

)..??

For those whom are married for more than 10yrs, if you could turn back time...would you have choosen the same woman?

cmelater · #2 28-01-2015, 05:55 PM

My view is, it doesn't matter whether you choose girl A or B. End of the day... years later, it will likely (not for sure) end up with two persons drifting apart. This is a real risk and problem cos marriage is like a friendship and maintenance is surely required.

It is sad as you mentioned that when guys start sneaking outside to have fun and then the very reason for remaining married is nothing more than just mere obligations.

Without obligations, what is marriage?

Point is, don't get married for the sake of it. Myself, if I can turn back time, I rather spend time with my folks cos their time very limited. Girls, you can have any day, so long as you have money and patience and character not too bad. Finding really isn't an issue and age is irrelevant. Look at Bernie Ecclestone. Good grief.... he can be his gf's grand daddy liao.

Triple70 · #3 29-01-2015, 08:25 AM

Spend some time to fully understand the Women's Charter Act, and the divorce procedure. Read Sglawwatch to understand how judges interpret the Act.

Any rational person who truly understand this Act will stay clear of any topic relating to this Act.

It's not about the woman. It's natural for ppl to evolve over time, whether closer or further apart. It's just that the Act is so out of touch with today's society.

Perhaps try to understand Thai culture in relation to this topic. They seem to have a much more pragmatic approach and I believe that is why they are such happy people.

topcook1 · #4 29-01-2015, 10:21 AM

Nope...luckily I had divorced 3 years ago after a 11 years marriage . Right now enjoying my single life and never think of getting marry at all. I am still maintaining a good relationships with my kids although we are not together . Once bitten twice shy and guess will not dig my own grave again. Right now I am financially strong and feels so good about freedom however at sometimes feels a little bit lonely. Go look for fls by myself ....everything by myself and getting use to it.

cmelater · #5 29-01-2015, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

Nope...luckily I had divorced 3 years ago after a 11 years marriage . Right now enjoying my single life and never think of getting marry at all. I am still maintaining a good relationships with my kids although we are not together . Once bitten twice shy and guess will not dig my own grave again. Right now I am financially strong and feels so good about freedom however at sometimes feels a little bit lonely. Go look for fls by myself ....everything by myself and getting use to it.

Getting remarried would have been a greater mistake. Congrats bro!

At least, u got the luxury to get used to ur new found freedom. Hahaha

topcook1 · #6 29-01-2015, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmelater

Getting remarried would have been a greater mistake. Congrats bro!

At least, u got the luxury to get used to ur new found freedom. Hahaha

Thinking of man always have to listens to woman demand has turned me off for another marriage..ie Wedding dinner, wedding gown ,photo shoot, dowry , matrimonial asset , maintenance etc.......This society portraits man and woman are equal , I really dont think so . When comes to woman rights they are far greater than us.

a2014 · #7 29-01-2015, 11:29 AM

Guess that this is the impact of modernisation on human society. In the past woman is just a plain woman. Once they get married the get married and stay at home and serve the family.

Now woman is equal, you go to work, they go to work as well. You earn 10K a month, they may earn 12K. You have an MBA she maybe has a PHD, so it is difficult to compare now.

Man has not change since day one, while woman has evolved according to society revolution. Woman no longer need to stay at home to cook, look after kids anymore, they want freedom and entertainment as well. You go entertain your manhood, she go entertain her womanhood that is where the crack appear.

When it touches the matter of heart during courtship everything can do. When time down the road especially many years later, how many can actually maintain it.

Time has changed, society has change, so does human moral has changed.

cmelater · #8 29-01-2015, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

Thinking of man always have to listens to woman demand has turned me off for another marriage..ie Wedding dinner, wedding gown ,photo shoot, dowry , matrimonial asset , maintenance etc.......This society portraits man and woman are equal , I really dont think so . When comes to woman rights they are far greater than us.

You are the man.

The thought of standing under the sun and then sweating just to have a shoot. And, then the photographer charging an arm or leg for the "once in a life time" pics. Wedding dinner is also insane. Don't forget the "gatecrash" and qiang xin niang. All those are super turn off.

Society is confused. lol. Society has ended up disadvantaging all of mankind with its silly rules on equality.

topcook1 · #9 29-01-2015, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmelater

You are the man.

The thought of standing under the sun and then sweating just to have a shoot. And, then the photographer charging an arm or leg for the "once in a life time" pics. Wedding dinner is also insane. Don't forget the "gatecrash" and qiang xin niang. All those are super turn off.

Society is confused. lol. Society has ended up disadvantaging all of mankind with its silly rules on equality.

Only the woman love all these things...having princess fantasies...When comes to divorce all things has been forgotten .

curious76 · #10 29-01-2015, 04:00 PM

I am single at the moment. Last 4 months have be hell for me when i met the VB that I love.. But in the end, she cheated me my money and now have a complicated life. I thinking it through. Yes in Singapore, it is difficult to maintain marriage as everyone is worry and busy with their life. But once, you get older and older with no one to take care of you. You will feel lonely... But now, I have think this through.. In marriage it might not be a good thing if you find someone suitable for you and they willingly to stick with you. Whatever you decide, it is the best for you.. For me, I just let fate decide for me.

topcook1 · #11 29-01-2015, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curious76

I am single at the moment. Last 4 months have be hell for me when i met the VB that I love.. But in the end, she cheated me my money and now have a complicated life. I thinking it through. Yes in Singapore, it is difficult to maintain marriage as everyone is worry and busy with their life. But once, you get older and older with no one to take care of you. You will feel lonely... But now, I have think this through.. In marriage it might not be a good thing if you find someone suitable for you and they willingly to stick with you. Whatever you decide, it is the best for you.. For me, I just let fate decide for me.

Lonely is better to be with a wrong person . Lots of couples who are married also feels lonely too because lack of communications. Eventually everyone still has to leave the world alone . Nobody is going to accompany us.

curious76 · #12 29-01-2015, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

Lonely is better to be with a wrong person . Lots of couples who are married also feels lonely too because lack of communications. Eventually everyone still has to leave the world alone . Nobody is going to accompany us.

Yes.. But it see that you leave this world with regret or no regret.. For me, I will leave this world with no regret. What I have done, I have done for her.. It is she who does not appreciate me.. Ultimately, it will be karma for her and me..

Jevv · #13 29-01-2015, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

Nope...luckily I had divorced 3 years ago after a 11 years marriage . Right now enjoying my single life and never think of getting marry at all. I am still maintaining a good relationships with my kids although we are not together . Once bitten twice shy and guess will not dig my own grave again. Right now I am financially strong and feels so good about freedom however at sometimes feels a little bit lonely. Go look for fls by myself ....everything by myself and getting use to it.

Its good that ur kids is still in good relationship with u

One of my friend told me the reason why he is not getting a divorce is becoze of his daughter, thou he no longer have feelings for his wife. He said tat if not for his daughter...he would long ago walked out already, but his case is no choice

When he was caught red-handed by his wife that he was seeing someone outside, he told me maybe this should be the catalyst to end his marriage with his wife as he really wanted to be together with his gf (they have been together for 4 years). Divorce has always been on the back of his mind thru out, just that there wasn't any 'push' factor for him to do so I guess.

Afterwhich, he had a heart to heart talk with his wife about the divorce procedures, the house & their daughter. His wife told him that she will not agree to it for the sake of their daughter & also the fact that she loves him (he said when his wife told him tat she still loves him, he was taken aback)...

His wife then told their 14 yr old daughter abt it, saying that my friend had a woman outside & looking into divorce...when the daughter talked to my friend, she was sobbing in tears & asked her father to change for the better.

I think thats how he decided not to proceed with the divorce.

Thou 2 yrs have passed since that incident, my fren is still in contact with that gf (non sexual, jus maintaining as normal fren level)...He did shared that secretly he would still like to give their r/ship (he & tat gf) another shot...but dunno if that gf is willing to wait for him or not..

cmelater · #14 29-01-2015, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

Lonely is better to be with a wrong person . Lots of couples who are married also feels lonely too because lack of communications. Eventually everyone still has to leave the world alone . Nobody is going to accompany us.

Even if they remember us, its only the assets. So, wth.

Check mate bro. Married doesn't mean not lonely. These days I sleep with my face facing the wall, rather than my OC. Marriage less lonely?

I can say for sure confirm not lonely, in terms of problems. When two persons are together, everything can be an issue. It begins from how to put the toothbrush to when to change bed sheet n how to cook the noodles. Just about everything. The first days, its ok. But, for the longer term, its really crap cos there are days when you just want to cook the noodles some other way, but your OC says otherwise.

My old camp mate also said scared lonely. Even some other current guy friends claim scared lonely. Point is, like what you said, we will go alone anyway and we all know that. But, not many face the realities that the path to death is necessarily a lonely process.

I have a dying mum. 5 over years ago, she was tumbling and losing her balance. 3 over years ago, she was pushing those walking support and she stumbled and landed on her butt. She called and told me that "Mum fell..." with a tone that seemed to have resigned to fate. 6 months ago, she was bed ridden and she struggled to utter these words "Mama cannot talk anymore."

Today when I see her, I feel a deep sense of sadness and that death (as you mentioned) is something we will face alone someday. No one would remember us, like today when I see mum. Her own step bro didn't want to travel to see her from abroad.

With all these happening, when people tell me life will be lonely, I always turn back to ask them "Better to shed tears alone or with those who matter?"

With those tears welling in my eyes, I told mum "When you reach wherever it is, remember to tell me when we see each other again." We truly will go someday... So, what matters? Having a whole dynasty of offsprings and people fighting over assets, before our death beds?

Cheers everyone. Be happy and play hard. Good days are not here forever. But, that inevitable moment will come someday. Marry for the right reason or get out for a better reason.

cmelater · #15 29-01-2015, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curious76

I am single at the moment. Last 4 months have be hell for me when i met the VB that I love.. But in the end, she cheated me my money and now have a complicated life. I thinking it through. Yes in Singapore, it is difficult to maintain marriage as everyone is worry and busy with their life. But once, you get older and older with no one to take care of you. You will feel lonely... But now, I have think this through.. In marriage it might not be a good thing if you find someone suitable for you and they willingly to stick with you. Whatever you decide, it is the best for you.. For me, I just let fate decide for me.

At least, you got no alimony to pay for. Cheer up.