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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #16  
Old 13-03-2021, 09:15 AM
larue larue is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Do you see your life improving if you end it?
  #17  
Old 13-03-2021, 10:58 AM
Triple70 Triple70 is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Step back and reflect.
Ppl evolve, could be better could be worse.
Each could be better individually but still be toxic for each other.
Make some space for yourself.
If she keeps on finding fault with you, means relationship has turned toxic for both of you.
Its better to be happy alone than to be in a perpetually toxic environment There are happier and more important things to focus on like building up CPF savings.
  #18  
Old 13-03-2021, 11:34 AM
mrbigsword mrbigsword is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 178noobnoob View Post
I think TS need to be upfront with her as in discussing that he doesnt have the intention to get ‘married’ see what her reaction and decide from there.
She asked for marriage multiple times. I gave financial reasons to not proceed.
  #19  
Old 13-03-2021, 11:39 AM
mrbigsword mrbigsword is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TomMAffolter View Post
what si right and wrong...like i said she unhappy woth husband but whilst still married she involved with you.
What is right you breaking off after 8yrs or you try persist and after 18yrs cannot bear it anymore then break up, she wasted 18yrs rather than 8.
Me thinks prob it is YOU who is worried you will be lonely cannot find new gf ect etc thats why you cling on, but any logical analysis, there is only a few conclusions.
Bottom line is figure out if you low quality male and thus need to get involved with a bad tempered single mom ( she is another mans leftovers) or you are high quality man and can and more importantly deserve a better life partner

I mean even if I had made promises i.e never ever leave, I will feel guilty if anything bad happens. Actually, I am fearful that she might commit suicide which she attempted once when I tried to leave. Also what if she knows too much?
  #20  
Old 13-03-2021, 11:40 AM
mrbigsword mrbigsword is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
Do you see your life improving if you end it?
I feel I might be able to finally breathe and I will have more time to myself.
  #21  
Old 13-03-2021, 11:46 AM
mrbigsword mrbigsword is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Triple70 View Post
Step back and reflect.
Ppl evolve, could be better could be worse.
Each could be better individually but still be toxic for each other.
Make some space for yourself.
If she keeps on finding fault with you, means relationship has turned toxic for both of you.
Its better to be happy alone than to be in a perpetually toxic environment There are happier and more important things to focus on like building up CPF savings.
Right now there are not many faults because I accommodate, but deep down I do feel trapped sometimes. Reflecting on a daily basis because I am not sure how long this could last.
  #22  
Old 13-03-2021, 03:19 PM
Triple70 Triple70 is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

In any relationship, there will be 1 leader and 1 follower. So in this relationship, who is the leader? If u are that alpha male, then u shd lead this relationship forward.
Nobody will ever know.. i am financially or emotionally ready for marriage. If that is what she wants, either u agree or u move on.
  #23  
Old 13-03-2021, 10:53 PM
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Actually I feel sorry for her. She must be close to 40 now. Her social circle (who may have attended her wedding dinner) probably knows she cheated on her ex-husband with you. If she introduces you to her family and friends, they would have been asking her when both of you are getting married. Her friends may have children and many gatherings will be chatting about work, husband and kids etc. Her life would seem quite empty by comparison. I can understand her insecurity at her current situation. She has given you everything she can give. Quite cruel to waste a woman's limited youth. She may have lost her chance to ever be a mum just by being with you.

You are in your early to mid 30s. It is easy for you to break up and look for a new girl in her late 20s, get married and have kids. A normal life in every aspect. You are not even a divorcee. No stigma after breaking up a 8 year old relationship. The loss on your side seems so minimal when compared to the disruption in her life. If you love her, why can't you marry her after 8 years? If marriage is never the final result, did you tell her there will never be a marriage or did you always tell her now is not the right time?

The problem may not only just be her. You don't seemed like you know what you want in life. Change to a new gf and all these issues will still resurface.
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  #24  
Old 14-03-2021, 12:45 AM
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Fuck first think later

If cannot work out just

Pump and Dump
  #25  
Old 14-03-2021, 11:03 AM
cocky1234 cocky1234 is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

TS is funny, If TS can't satisfy her, let other alpha male satisfy her instead.

TS come here asking for advice is definitely incapable to settle anything.

What TS want to hear? Sugar coated bullshit that you are very nice guy sweet sugar and should continue relationship with her??

TS do a favor and let her go please, she is already not young, stop wasting her time let her find a partner that can satisfy her and give her happiness. That guy is definitely NOT YOU!!
  #26  
Old 14-03-2021, 03:30 PM
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TomMAffolter View Post
Come on man., stop trying to be a white knight, this women is a independent adult.
Firstly she already got a kid with ex husband so dont guilt trip him on making her lose her opportunity to be a mom.
Second she the older one, maybe have more senior position at work, if anything she should have more control more common sense to not cheat on her husband with a younger man. Its is always the older man who is blamed when they cheat with younger girl, so why is it TS fault that she cheated on her husband with him especially when he was young dumb and full of cum. Surely she would and should be the more responsible one especially with a kid to do things to avoid scandal and gain unwanted stigma. Now that she had made her choice in life and because it make lead to bad circumstances now she now longer responsible?
I don't know her so there is no reason to be a white knight for her. There is a view she deserves this because she cheated on her husband. So karma in a way. But this view may skew how we see the current situation.

Let's look at it from another angle. Suppose she is not a married woman with kids who did not cheat on her husband. She is just a normal nice single lady. Will being with someone like this, who is 8 years older than TS for 8 years, (till the lady now is around 40) without any intention for marriage be more acceptable then? Imagine the nicest lady you can think of. I think even the nicest lady will go crazy on TS especially with her youth just wasting away.

The insecurities will just build up in her mind as she has no control over her present or future situation. Presently, is she not good enough for TS to marry her? In future, what will happen to her own life (she has no control)? Every time she thinks of these questions, she has no answer.

We can still think... aiyah... she cheat on her husband so she deserves it. In actual fact, if this lady is our sister or daughter, we will Gek Sim until mad too. TS, how do you face her friends and family when you meet them?
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  #27  
Old 16-03-2021, 05:55 AM
bignehneh bignehneh is offline
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

If I am TS, I will intro the lady to the bros here and then run as fast as possible. Haha! Scary. The way he describe is like a time bomb waiting to explode. Haha
  #28  
Old 19-03-2021, 06:57 PM
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Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrbigsword View Post
Currently, I am in an 8 years relationship with a woman that is 8 years my senior.

We started the relationship when I am in my 20s and I am now in my 30s.

Let’s call her Janice.

We met each other at work.

One night, we messaged over work-related issues. Eventually, we spoke about other topics rather than work.

From our meet-ups, I realised that she was married with 1 kid. She was unhappy with her marriage as her husband cheated on her many years ago. They are still together it’s because of the child.

Soon, our conversations became a daily affair.

In retrospect, I could still remember my first girlfriend I had was in secondary school. However, things did not work out and we broke up.

Thus, when Janice came, I am not sure if it’s because of loneliness or I am interested in her.

I spoke to my friends about it. There were many viewpoints. Some said it’s wrong to pursue a married woman. Others gave the usual advice of “age is just a number”

One day Janice shared her feelings with me and I decided to give it a shot.

However, as times passes, the honey starts to taste bad. I realised that she is a possessive person. I can’t speak or look at girls. Sometimes, when a very attractive lady walked passed, she accused me of looking when I did not.

To be honest, at that point in time, I thought this inconvenience was part of this relationship. I thought it’s normal for her to feel insecure. After all, we are 8 years apart.

Soon things became worse, when I went out with my friends, we will start quarrelling.

I thought it was my fault because I met my friends more than I met her. I was young and inexperience as I always thought if you have a girlfriend, you cannot abandon your friends.

One night, I was out drinking with my good friends. I quarrelled with her over the text again. The exchange was very heated that eventually, her husband discovered the affair. My friend thought she was lying about the whole issue to get my attention. However, it is true.

To cut the long story short, they divorced.

However, since the affair, I have not spoken to my friends for years as I fear that she might become angry.

I felt that my friends did not believe me at that point in time and she did not like them.

Overall, the issue was my fault for not bridging the gap well.

Throughout, the years, she became very possessive, to a point that I have to see her every day, and she threatened to commit suicide if I ever leave her.

Our quarrels over her possessiveness led me to keep within myself.

In addition, I have long switched off all my emotions.

She is very nice to me and my family. Every difficulties and adversity, she will be there for me. To add on, she knows most of my secrets and aspirations.

At times, I secretly hope she leaves me with no consequence.

I am not sure if I am with her out of fear and gratitude.
Ok, how's your sex life with a 40s+ woman seriously? Off bed, does she prioritise you over her own child? If no, better move on. Also, if you prioritise her over your friends. You need a wakeup call. Reason, she is not your wife or mother of your children.
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