Reminiscence or Nostalgia

[Ramone]

Originally Posted by nuclearkid

Sounds like a longgggg foreplay with the banter bouncing between the two of you, bro Ramone. Things are really just as simple as you want them to be or as complicated. You project an impression that you are going with the flow, yearning to be surprised and confident about extricating yourself when you deem it too hot to handle. Most men fail at the evacuation procedure and those that survive didn't permit themselves to come this far. So, odds are, you are indeed headed for the cliff. Such entanglements are unwieldy due to the emotional element which I would hazard a guess is your case with the frequency of communication between you two. She's probably often in your head when you think alone?

The potentially good thing about this is seemingly lack of expectations on her part, you could yet survive unscathed but you never know what she's thinking. An irrational woman can do serious damage! So you ask yourself what you hope to achieve letting this episode run its course. Its back to the risk-reward profile. Decide if its worth running the risk in a worst case scenario. From a bloke's perspective, the curiousity, which is likely a dominant emotion in you right now, probably wouldn't abate until you get to at least second base (Ok, that's my threshold... you may be contented just holding hands). So, in view of that, if you can't survive the fallout, time to eject now.

Well u are damn right she's in my head most time as we speak and meet daily... like the daily highlight.

We are not yet physical but its damning that it is at the back of my mind, not sure abt her's but we do speak of past experiences yet I am not jumping onto her like a bat out of the cave. Crudely proud of my physical restraint but dun think it may hold for too long.

The main thought of holding back cos I had long ago watched many reruns of Fatal Attraction so i am no sherlock with regards to what damage could happen once its tipped over, eg both of us get sexually involved and then emotions overwhelm her on a dead end relationship.... all that i could be after is a regurgitated carcass.

At this point infidelity guilt is bringing abt paranioa, i have like in the cartoons an angel and a devil on each side of my shoulders nudging me on alternate bases. Devil nudges on the grounds of "U do like her physically so why not if its mutual as long as its is understood, let up and walk into paradise to soak up the sex, u will get by and unscathed" yet the angel nudges "Are u sure u are not living dangerously and throwing possibly everything away for the sake of a 30min moment of sinful flesh pleassure which will feel the same with any other honey hole that your dick may prod, unwind and walk away!"

It is something that no one needs to mention but I do tell myself that i am mentally weak as i have not been able as yet to make an absolute resolve on 1 of the above positions to take and to act on it.

She too said lets go with whatever that comes as expectations bring hurt.... As a friend and a guy I should know better and take control of the situation better and this indecisiveness is bringing the cliff closer, seems like i am tripping over myself....

[nuclearkid]

Originally Posted by Ramone

Well u are damn right she's in my head most time as we speak and meet daily... like the daily highlight.

We are not yet physical but its damning that it is at the back of my mind, not sure abt her's but we do speak of past experiences yet I am not jumping onto her like a bat out of the cave. Crudely proud of my physical restraint but dun think it may hold for too long.

The main thought of holding back cos I had long ago watched many reruns of Fatal Attraction so i am no sherlock with regards to what damage could happen once its tipped over, eg both of us get sexually involved and then emotions overwhelm her on a dead end relationship.... all that i could be after is a regurgitated carcass.

At this point infidelity guilt is bringing abt paranioa, i have like in the cartoons an angel and a devil on each side of my shoulders nudging me on alternate bases. Devil nudges on the grounds of "U do like her physically so why not if its mutual as long as its is understood, let up and walk into paradise to soak up the sex, u will get by and unscathed" yet the angel nudges "Are u sure u are not living dangerously and throwing possibly everything away for the sake of a 30min moment of sinful flesh pleassure which will feel the same with any other honey hole that your dick may prod, unwind and walk away!"

It is something that no one needs to mention but I do tell myself that i am mentally weak as i have not been able as yet to make an absolute resolve on 1 of the above positions to take and to act on it.

She too said lets go with whatever that comes as expectations bring hurt.... As a friend and a guy I should know better and take control of the situation better and this indecisiveness is bringing the cliff closer, seems like i am tripping over myself....

It seems like you have gone OD on bro boob_man's story with the angel and devil characters messing up your mind.

All I want to add on is that being indecisive is one thing. You probably want to have your cake and eat it too, that's understandable. To me, just one point to consider: you have to determine the balance of power between you both and it better be tilted in your favour. If she's the dominant one, its strongly suggested you back off now. This is just the beginning (patient trap setting and all) but once you get your schlong into her, she will have you by the balls. That's when your sleepless nights begin. Good luck dabbling with a manipulative woman, if it turns out that way.

[Gentle Beast]

Hi Ramone (..almost Romeo )


From a guy's point of view, you seem like a hopeless romantic, in a nice way. The way I see it, you are setting yourself up for the plunge, it is a matter of when. As a guy, I know SEX is the reason why you are investing all your 'available' time (a precious commodity considering you are already married) and you do not wish to walk away, not least after you have achieved the fruits of this investment. Simply, if I were you I would consider these 2 options

1. Walk away. The feeling of a lost opportunity will be painful (to the groin?) but in my opinion, the better decision in the long run.

2. Bed her. But be fair to her emotional feelings and be clear to explain that things will never work out between the 2 of you. It is just sexual gratification, nothing else. Never promise what you cannot deliver.

Sex between 2 people who are strongly attracted to each other can lead to complications, it just happens. For a guy, if you are lucky, it is possible that you can have your cake and eat it too.

[superhuman]

heard this over the radio before for some call in advice show and the DJ said asked this:

Is there such a thing as committing adultery with your heart and mind (that is connecting romantically with the other party) but without the physical acts?

And is it 'not as bad' as committing adultery by engaging in the the physical acts?

[Ramone]

Can mutual talking suggestive be considered as already at the cliff's edge? Well till the next time we meet again at her place will we know if the plunge is made..... We were talking and chanced a mutual suggest of breakfast in bed and then sex to start the great day off would be ideal.... hmmmmm..... (snapped out of the conversation and focused back on the events of the day between our individual schedules)

I feel it so close .... the nearness of consumation...... the picturesque imagination of her being slowly peeled away by my fingers and devoured.... sigh. I am gulping and holding my breath, seriously... if my dick did the thinking, i would have raced there and consumated the deed in fervent passion yet what the hell am i still doing here fantasizing!!!

[Ramone]

So the story goes that the last days of meetups were great as always but the crux came when we were discussing about how restraint we were while we were at it so far despite private proximities and silly me again raised the issue that I am a dead end relationship and that I do not want to hurt her in the end when i really do not know her expectations. I summarised to her that in the pinnacle importance that i do not want to lose her as a friend.

Well the very curt response was that she knew from the very start that i have already said so to her and she is wants the moments to be as they are while they are there so dun think on it to hard.... (in other words, chill).

With that I could have made it an insurance or i could have blew it as I was so harped on explicit statements of what it would be in the end. I really think its not wrong to state the facts..... Sigh, i am more thinking that i blew it by emphasizing in precision since its radio silence since the conversation yesterday.

Was i wrong to express what it is or was i dumbassed to over emphasize it? What a cock!

[Komuso]

Originally Posted by Ramone

So the story goes that the last days of meetups were great as always but the crux came when we were discussing about how restraint we were while we were at it so far despite private proximities and silly me again raised the issue that I am a dead end relationship and that I do not want to hurt her in the end when i really do not know her expectations. I summarised to her that in the pinnacle importance that i do not want to lose her as a friend.

Well the very curt response was that she knew from the very start that i have already said so to her and she is wants the moments to be as they are while they are there so dun think on it to hard.... (in other words, chill).

With that I could have made it an insurance or i could have blew it as I was so harped on explicit statements of what it would be in the end. I really think its not wrong to state the facts..... Sigh, i am more thinking that i blew it by emphasizing in precision since its radio silence since the conversation yesterday.

Was i wrong to express what it is or was i dumbassed to over emphasize it? What a cock!

I remember chancing upon some old video on picking up girls. The 'lecturer' was saying that men should generally keep the verbal encounters with women brief up till the point where they manage to bed them. This is because the more you prolong the conversation, the higher the probability of saying something wrong and pissing her off

I'm sure the ladies will hate this... but it does make a certain sense.

[Ramone]

Yes in the worst of my better judgement, who am i to wanna be honest here when I try to set the records right before plunging, cos my position is defiled in honesty to begin with.

Nevertheless, we have since made contact and all is as where it left off. Mindfucking was probably what i was doing to myself, cannot believe how lust can drive one so nuts.

[Komuso]

I guess most of the advice that can possibly be given on your situation has already been covered by the other senior samsters here. Having experienced something similar myself, perhaps I can contribute by making the situation a little clearer logically.

1. Given that you have an existing erotic partner, this inquiry asks if all of your needs be satisfied by that one erotic partner, for your entire life?

a. If Yes, this inquiry ends here.

b. If No, proceed to 2.

2. What is to be done with the needs that have not been met?

a. Suppress them out of moral considerations; this inquiry ends here.

b. Find alternative means to satisfy/redirect them, eg. same-gender friendship, sports, the arts, commerce, politics etc. This inquiry ends here.

c. Find another concurrent erotic partner to cater for the needs that have not been met; proceed to 3.

3. What is the nature of the relationship with the concurrent erotic partner?

a. Purely erotic

This will be rather difficult to maintain for both the man and the woman, if the concurrent partner is not a professional service provider (i.e. prostitute). Although men have a slightly greater ability to detach physical from emotional pleasure, sex is still a very intimate physical act, and a certain degree of emotions will always be triggered.

As emotions compromise rational judgment, they will need to be kept under very tight rein for both parties. As you are the married party you have more to lose if things turn out bad, and so have a greater interest in ensuring otherwise. Either both parties have strong minds and are able to sustain the required balance, or else if her mind is weaker and more susceptible to emotional compromise, your own ability will have to make up for it.

b. Purely emotional

Unless a conversation partner is all that is desired, this will also be rather difficult to maintain, for men especially, since physical attraction is likely to already be in play. You will have to suppress all physical desire towards the woman. Given that physical needs are not catered for then, it would seem to contradict 2b. above since there is still a shortfall.

c. Both erotic and emotional

This is the definition under which full-fledged affairs find themselves. However, given that this concurrent partner still fulfils some, but not all your needs, care needs to be taken to ensure the entire relationship is not construed to become a replacement for the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. If the balance can be sustained by both parties, it can be a very fulfilling physical and emotional experience since most, if not all, of your needs will be met.

There remains the disturbing question of whether the concurrent erotic partner's needs have all been met. If no, there is a chance she may push the relationship to the point of replacing the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. In this instance, your own ability will have to make up for this defect.

Summary

There appears to be no one ideal outcome, and every form and combination of relationship(s) will come with some flaw or another. One has to either:

a. Avoid relationships completely and be free from that burden, or

b. Study the nature of relationship as it unfolds with a view to counteracting the projected defects.

I don't mean to come across as too mechanical, but sometimes there is a need for this as our emotions can get the better of us when we least expect it. In situations such as these, our ability detach ourselves from emotion, and to reason, will be the only thing that can save us from unwanted problems. It is of course easier said then done, but this does not change the fact that it must be done.

Sorry for the rambling, and I hope this helps.

[Gentle Beast]

Originally Posted by Komuso

Summary

There appears to be no one ideal outcome, and every form and combination of relationship(s) will come with some flaw or another. One has to either:

a. Avoid relationships completely and be free from that burden, or

b. Study the nature of relationship as it unfolds with a view to counteracting the projected defects.

I don't mean to come across as too mechanical, but sometimes there is a need for this as our emotions can get the better of us when we least expect it. In situations such as these, our ability detach ourselves from emotion, and to reason, will be the only thing that can save us from unwanted problems. It is of course easier said then done, but this does not change the fact that it must be done.

Sorry for the rambling, and I hope this helps.

Hi Bro

I like your step by step flow chart analysis. I assumed you must be a professional trained
engineer, medic doctor etc. Least I can do is to up your rep points.

Enjoy!

GB

[Komuso]

Originally Posted by Gentle Beast

Hi Bro

I like your step by step flow chart analysis. I assumed you must be a professional trained
engineer, medic doctor etc. Least I can do is to up your rep points.

Enjoy!

GB

Thanks for the up bro; I'm not in any of the professions you've mentioned though. Have reciprocated with my humble 2 points; one good turn deserves another

[Ladyrain]

Originally Posted by Ramone

Yes in the worst of my better judgement, who am i to wanna be honest here when I try to set the records right before plunging, cos my position is defiled in honesty to begin with.

Nevertheless, we have since made contact and all is as where it left off. Mindfucking was probably what i was doing to myself, cannot believe how lust can drive one so nuts.

Dear Ramone, keep it to mindfucking only then!

[Ramone]

Oops kinda too late, we did something during breakfast.....

[Ramone]

Originally Posted by Komuso

I guess most of the advice that can possibly be given on your situation has already been covered by the other senior samsters here. Having experienced something similar myself, perhaps I can contribute by making the situation a little clearer logically.

1. Given that you have an existing erotic partner, this inquiry asks if all of your needs be satisfied by that one erotic partner, for your entire life?

a. If Yes, this inquiry ends here.

b. If No, proceed to 2.

2. What is to be done with the needs that have not been met?

a. Suppress them out of moral considerations; this inquiry ends here.

b. Find alternative means to satisfy/redirect them, eg. same-gender friendship, sports, the arts, commerce, politics etc. This inquiry ends here.

c. Find another concurrent erotic partner to cater for the needs that have not been met; proceed to 3.

3. What is the nature of the relationship with the concurrent erotic partner?

a. Purely erotic

This will be rather difficult to maintain for both the man and the woman, if the concurrent partner is not a professional service provider (i.e. prostitute). Although men have a slightly greater ability to detach physical from emotional pleasure, sex is still a very intimate physical act, and a certain degree of emotions will always be triggered.

As emotions compromise rational judgment, they will need to be kept under very tight rein for both parties. As you are the married party you have more to lose if things turn out bad, and so have a greater interest in ensuring otherwise. Either both parties have strong minds and are able to sustain the required balance, or else if her mind is weaker and more susceptible to emotional compromise, your own ability will have to make up for it.

b. Purely emotional

Unless a conversation partner is all that is desired, this will also be rather difficult to maintain, for men especially, since physical attraction is likely to already be in play. You will have to suppress all physical desire towards the woman. Given that physical needs are not catered for then, it would seem to contradict 2b. above since there is still a shortfall.

c. Both erotic and emotional

This is the definition under which full-fledged affairs find themselves. However, given that this concurrent partner still fulfils some, but not all your needs, care needs to be taken to ensure the entire relationship is not construed to become a replacement for the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. If the balance can be sustained by both parties, it can be a very fulfilling physical and emotional experience since most, if not all, of your needs will be met.

There remains the disturbing question of whether the concurrent erotic partner's needs have all been met. If no, there is a chance she may push the relationship to the point of replacing the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. In this instance, your own ability will have to make up for this defect.

Summary

There appears to be no one ideal outcome, and every form and combination of relationship(s) will come with some flaw or another. One has to either:

a. Avoid relationships completely and be free from that burden, or

b. Study the nature of relationship as it unfolds with a view to counteracting the projected defects.

I don't mean to come across as too mechanical, but sometimes there is a need for this as our emotions can get the better of us when we least expect it. In situations such as these, our ability detach ourselves from emotion, and to reason, will be the only thing that can save us from unwanted problems. It is of course easier said then done, but this does not change the fact that it must be done.

Sorry for the rambling, and I hope this helps.

Thanks, your structured analysis is definitely descriptive of options akin a pictoral flowchart. The decision matrices are by far many, but what struck me was indeed exactly what she asked me this am to consider on my own, would i be so crazy about her that i will move to a point of illogics and wanna replace my wife with her..... shit not in the troubled sense i thought as I said no and she asked me not to underestimate myself cos she has seen previous guys who were lost in the sugar and became illogical. We chat more and etc, in summary. Status quo is what she advised but she not sure if some day she will loose it and esp when she is looking for physical needs to be met..... she might give all. At that moment we.....

[Ladyrain]

Originally Posted by Ramone

Oops kinda too late, we did something during breakfast.....

You cheeky fella! Despite us, you still went ahead! You already made your decision before you came in here!